I have never had to wear glasses until recently. As I’ve gotten older, I find myself having
trouble reading small print. I have to
hold things farther and farther away to focus well. People my age joke that their eyes are fine,
their arms just aren’t long enough. The
most common eye disorders are focusing problems.1 In fact, if you don’t wear glasses now, you probably will when you get
older. But even if you have never worn
glasses, I would guess you still have a focusing problem. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to
help determine if your focus is something you need to change…
When you walk into a room with people in it, what is your
center of thought? Do you worry if
people will like you? What they will think of you? If they will notice your hair or clothes? Do you wonder if someone will talk to you? Do
you try and find your friends right away so you will feel comfortable? Do you desire to be noticed? Or do
you hope you will be invisible?
If you answered, “yes” to any of those questions, you are
likely to have a focusing problem.
The noun definition of focus is “the center of interest or activity.” What is your center of interest? For most
people, the focus is on their own self. We are naturally selfish and look out first
for number one.
I remember the cafeteria at my high school. It was a huge, noisy place, brimming with my
peers, and whenever I had to walk across the room, I felt like everyone was
watching me. I couldn’t even walk
naturally, so focused was I on trying to look and move right, and trying most
of all to avoid the horror of horrors—tripping and falling! Then everyone for sure would stare at me and
laugh.
Most likely, very few people even noticed me at all. My perspective of myself was like this quote
from Christina G. Rossetti: “A man is
ever apt to contemplate himself out of all proportion to his surroundings.” I was focused on myself, and I was sure
everyone else was, too.
You would think as a Christian adult, I would no longer have
such fears and feelings. But it wasn’t
too many years ago that I was to attend a work function with my husband. I was very nervous. What would the other ladies be wearing? Was I dressed right for the occasion? There would be a social time before the
event, and I knew I would be expected to chitchat and make small talk. I dreaded it.
I hardly knew them and they were different than me—I didn’t have a
paying job and I home schooled our children.
What would I talk about? Mostly
I clung to the arm of my husband and looked forward to leaving.
What a sad state. Yes,
it is natural to think of ourselves. But
as God’s children, we are no longer bound by those natural, fleshly
inclinations. Philippians 2:3 states,
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of
mind, let each esteem others better than himself.” Our focus is not to be on ourselves, but on
others. What a novel idea!
When I finally learned this, I no longer dreaded my husband’s
work functions. Instead, I guessed that
if I was anxious about meeting and talking with the other wives, it was highly
likely that they were nervous as
well. We were probably all insecure and
hoping others would be friendly to us.
So I made a decision—I was not going to worry about myself, but instead
focus on making others feel comfortable.
How different that next event was from others before it! Once I took the focus off myself, I was able
to experience the verb definition of focus:
“to see clearly.” I could now clearly
see what God wanted me to do when He put me with people—He wanted me to focus
on them, to show love and acceptance to them.
To ask them questions, and
make them look good. And when I did so, I left behind the cumbersome
burden of making myself look good and was left with the joy of loving
others. And, as it often works in God’s
kingdom, when you stop trying to meet your own needs, and meet the needs of
others, you’ll find that your own needs will be met. It really shouldn’t surprise us—God’s kingdom
is full of paradoxes and seeming contradictions, starting with Jesus, the
Servant-King, the Lion-Lamb, the One who saved us by dying for us.
So let’s imagine your next social get-together, whether it’s
with friends or church, work or school.
First, as you are getting ready, think about what you are wearing and do
a check, especially if you are of the feminine gender. It’s okay to want to look nice—beauty is an
attribute of God—but if your motive is to draw attention to yourself, your
motive and focus is wrong. Your focus
should be on others, and pleasing God.
Proverbs 16:2 says, “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives
are weighed by the LORD.” If your
favorite outfit was dirty or your hair just doesn’t seem to do what it should,
remember that it only really matters if you are focusing on yourself. No one else will probably notice or care! So
just smile extra big—smiling covers many a fault.
Then, when you arrive at your destination, examine your first
impulse. Is it to find a seat next to
your favorite friend or the popular crowd?
Or even to try and hide so no one notices you? Either extreme has a selfish, inward
focus. Instead, smile at your friends,
but look for that new person or the one sitting alone. Or if you’re the one sitting alone, swing
your focus out to others and see if you can say hello to someone you don’t
know. If you do know everyone there,
then work at asking others questions, not trying to show how much you
know. And continually do a motive/focus check on yourself. By the end of the
night, you will most likely find you have made a new friend, helped someone
feel more comfortable, and most importantly, pleased God by having a focus that
was 20/20 in His eyes.
Mrs. Amy
Santarelli is a homeschooling mom and mother of four.
Sources: www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Eye_disorders_focusing_problems
Image by Mrs. Amy Santarelli
Image by Mrs. Amy Santarelli
